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Post by Azar
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Happy Impending Holidays, APJ!
The holiday season is upon us and what better way to please the folks on Santa’s list than with perfumed and fragrant gifts. There are also those other, “special people” who deserve lumps of coal or bundles of sticks. Perhaps these stinkers might benefit from pleasant fragrances too!
Perfect Fragrant Gifts for Annoying People
Poo-Pourri Party Pooper – 2016
Our young friend “L” is a wonderful woman – in all ways but one. This lovely person has a very annoying and smelly habit. When visiting our home, “L” will inevitably unload in the bathroom, closest to where the action is. The fan and air fresheners have no effect. “L” usually emerges from the bathroom giggling, knowing full well that she has gassed the entire assemblage and polluted the party. I consider this “marking behavior” and have chided her often to no avail. So for “L” this year’s perfect fragrant gift will be:
Poo-Pourri Party Pooper Gift Set – Potty like a rock star and leave the toilet smelling better than you found it with a pure blend of mandarin, lily and tangerine natural essential oils.
Empire by Donald Trump – 2015
Fragrantica gives these featured accords:
Spicy mint, tea, orange blossom, apple, jasmine, amber, musk, tonka bean
The next gift recipient is politico, “G”, who would barge into the house, day or night, trying to convert us to his religion, telling us how to vote and advising us on health matters. We don’t see much of “G” anymore, but if he appears around the holidays I will be ready with a gift, one that I know he will appreciate – Empire by Donald Trump. I have not tried Empire but I’m sure that “G” will resonate with the name and the celebrity candidate behind it.
Star Trek Pon Farr – 2285
Fragrantica gives these featured accords:
Top: Nectarine, white violet, orchid
Heart: Egyptian jasmine, mirabelle, vanilla
Base: Patchouli, musk, sandalwood
Finally, I’m sure you’ve met someone like the next special person on our list. “J”, a cougar who imagines she is still a sex kitten, is always on the prowl, showing up at parties looking “other-worldly” in micro minis and skimpy tops. Far be it from me to question anyone’s fashion sense or methods of sexual manipulation, but this girl really needs some help. My gift to her this year will be the Star Trek fragrance Pon Farr. Pon Farr is defined as “a neuro-chemical imbalance in Vulcans occurring every 7 years causing them to be extremely horny.” Pon Farr might actually help “J” by postponing her last hormonal gasp for 7 years, effectively by-passing menopause and temporarily clearing any predatory illusions from her mind.
Today’s give-away is a 5 ml decant of Pon Farr – only shipping to addresses on planet earth. To be eligible let us know how you follow APJ and tell us about a special person in your life who could use a fragrant gift this season?
Live Long and Prosper!
Azar xx